Trust Fall!

Confidence! It's something we all need but sometimes look for it in the wrong things.

By definition, confidence means:

the state of feeling certain about the truth of something or a feeling of assurance.

The moment I put my new eye in it's place, confidence rose up in my heart. I was amazed at the difference such a small 1", painted piece could make. It's a weird feeling...very hard to explain. But, I can even feel muscles in my head, I never knew I had! It's been a great two weeks with my confidence growing each and every day.

Having my new eye has given me a confidence to walk around without being concerned with the stares and glares from others who may not know what I have been through. I like the feeling of being "back to normal" on the outward appearance. But, this is where true confidence collides with a fake confidence. I guess what I mean is that having an eye that looks so real can give me the confidence I need when I am my normal, social self. However, the moment I remember that it's a fake eye and for appearance only, I really have to dig deep in my heart and rely on the Lord to be my confidence.

Last Saturday, my family and I went to the Main Event in Louisville. It's a place with laser tag, bowling, arcade games, a ropes course, and more! The ropes course was pretty high up, but nothing that I was really afraid of. They put a harness on you, and you walk through a path of ropes and balance beams. As I was walking through the course, I had such a hard time with my depth perception. Everytime I tried to put my foot down on the rope, it's like I couldn't see it. I got so mad. Something that seemed so easy to do became overwhelmingly frustrating. I didn't know what to do so I just stood there and called for help. I cried. I cried hard. Honestly, I am not sure if it was more from being scared or being mad...but I hated that feeling.

In that moment, I realized that my confidence in my appearance can't mask the fear that gripped my heart for that moment. Not fear of falling off the ropes course, or not knowing how to get down, but fear that I may not be able to do things that come so easy to others. That was my wall--my "eye" opening moment. What was I going to do? How would I react?

Immediately my hero--my dad--came to my rescue. He helped me through the course and to get down. I had a moment, and even cried on my Uncle Felix's shoulder for a little bit, but I pulled it together. I reached deep in my heart and found the courage to take a situation like this and just deal with it. My dad encouraged me that it was just going to take some time to get used to my new depth perception, and eventually, I will get the hang of it.

I feel like it took that moment to remind me that my confidence, my hope, and my security has to come from the Lord--not my looks, not my feelings, or my self. I have to rely on Him. So, I brushed it off, played laser tag, played 3 hours of crazy arcades, bowled, and had an amazing time with my family! I left realizing that I am not perfect. I will have my moments. There will be times fear tries to take over or disappointment smacks me in the face. But, I can't quit. I can't give up! I'm turning 16 in less than a month and will be driving soon!! Am I nervous? Of course I am. But, it just means I will have to work a little harder, put my faith in God and trust that He will take care of me. There's no time to get discouraged..LOL! I have a beautiful life to live, and I plan on living it!

If you lack confidence, find it in the Word of God. You can do everything on the outside to try and feel confident. But, when you have the Word in your heart, you can be sure that God has your back and nothing can defeat you!

Joshua 1:9

9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”